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Honest Rambles #2

It’s been a hard week…

All I want to do is hide away from everything.

I stay up late watching TV and sleep in. Then when I wake up, I keep all of the lights off. It’s more calming to sit in a dark room. I nap and Goldie sleeps at my feet. I snack and watch more TV, then eventually get work done.

This past week has seen the deaths of Brennan Manning, George Beverly Shea, my childhood friend Jesse, and many others in Boston, Iraq, and West, Texas. I can’t take it all in.

Occasionally I have truly scary thoughts, existential fears, that rush through my brain, make my body shake in fear. I’ll jump and start to breathe heavy– and I try to think about something else. In those moments, all I can do is grasp a hold of something physical– if I’m around people, friends and family; if I’m at home, my dog; if I’m alone, even just a book or bag or pillow.

Watching TV is like medicine. It’s so nice to see stories unfold in 30 minutes or an hour, find a resolution, move smoothly with a song in the background. These people on the screen are known, faithful, always there, always the same, no matter how many viewings. Even when things turn sour, you can see the big picture. It’s not the same in real life.

So many people are hurting. 

And there is so little that can be done.

So for now, I’m hiding away…

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